Why Kelley Can't Go To The Movies

Warning: If you haven't seen Jurassic World and/or Max and don't want any spoilers, stop reading now. However, if you want to hear me rant and nitpick then grab yourself some popcorn and enjoy!

To be honest, I'm not keen on paying $10 to see a movie at the theater. Add another $15 for popcorn and a soda and the cheapskate in me is screaming her head off! I'd rather wait 6 months to catch it on Redbox, order a pizza and watch the movie with my dogs instead. But I had the opportunity to catch a couple movies in the theater last month -- and they really pissed me off.

Those stupid heels

First up was Jurassic World. The special effects were amazing and the movie was alright, despite the lackluster ending. But there were two things that drove me nuts.

1. The stupid bimbo was running around in heels the entire movie. Who in their right mind would wear heels and a skirt on a tropical island? I wanted a T-Rex to eat her just for being stupid.
2. I had heard that the movie promoted clicker training. One of the main characters used it to train the Raptors. I'm all for promoting positive training, and it would have been cool if the guy wasn't doing it wrong! Seriously, click once when the desired behavior is given (not 20+). I've seen 6 year old children successfully master the clicker. Why couldn't an adult screenwriter figure it out? A simple five minute fact check could have properly demonstrated and promoted positive reinforcement training. Instead, it looks like a nervous guy with a ballpoint pen. click, click, click, click, click.

Max was equally frustrating -- and this is me speaking with my Animal Control Officer hat on.

That stupid, metal cage

First of all, giving a military trained Malinois to a family of inexperienced dog owners is down-right irresponsible. My Malinois-owning friends lovingly refer to the breed as "German shepherds on crack." I'm afraid that people are going to run out and buy Malinois puppies because of this movie -- it happens all the time -- and then become disenchanted when they realize that what they saw on screen is not what they brought home. (NOTE: Max was actually played by five highly trained dogs. Even that dog isn't what you think it is.) I cringe just thinking of all the adolescent Malinois that are going to be turned into animal shelters over the next couple of years because of this movie.


Simple tool, catching is the hard part

The movie makes sure you know the story takes place in Texas in July. Dad doesn't want Max in the house (jerk) so first he ties the dog outside, then he puts the dog in a metal cage not large enough for the dog to lie down and sprawl out. At no time is the dog provided with water or a shelter to protect him from summer sun. Can you say cruelty ticket?! But no. When animal control finally does show up they are portrayed as heartless and too stupid to properly work a catch pole. This is a simple tool that I've taught children how to use while at community outreach events. (Again, if a 6 year old can figure it out . . .)

I'm very disappointed that this movie -- which was designed for children! -- didn't take the opportunity to demonstrate the proper and humane care for animals. Nor did it portray animal control officers as the caring, knowledgeable professionals we strive to be. Instead, it reinforced the "dog catcher buffoon" stereotype. Thanks Hollywood!

So now that I've totally ruined these summer blockbusters, you may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. My rant is over -- for now. [Insert evil laugh here.] TTFN, -- K