OMG STOP!

I'm feeling grumpy this morning. Knowing this, I probably should have stayed off the internet. But I didn't, and now I feel a rant bubbling up inside. Lucky you!

I'm a member of several German shepherd groups on Facebook. Apparently, they'll let anybody join. Normally I just snicker at the comments of the dumb masses, but today . . . I just want to slap some sense into people. Instead, I'll share my sarcasm wisdom with you.

The breed name is shepherd -- with an E -- because these dogs were originally bred to herd sheep. If that is too difficult to remember, just look at the top of the page. Every group spells the breed correctly in the name of their group (i.e. German Shepherd Lovers). When you post about your "shepard" you look like an idiot and no one will take you seriously. And some of us will mock you on our blogs.

Quit prefacing posts with the phrase "no negative comments," especially if you're going to post about something controversial. If your ego is so fragile that you cannot handle somebody disagreeing with you, get off the internet. This is not a safe place.

Stop asking strangers on the internet for medical advice. If your dog is lethargic, bleeding, throwing up, has diarrhea or unusual swelling GO TO THE VET! Yes, they're expensive. But they're also necessary. It's your job to figure out to work veterinary care into your budget. That's part of being a responsible pet owner. And do you really trust someone who can't spell shepherd correctly to diagnose your sick dog online?

Quit asking people online to name your new puppy. Seriously, if you can't do something as basic as naming your own dog, you're not cut out for pet ownership. Just rehome the dog now before you screw it up. And while you're at it, go buy a box of condoms -- you're probably not cut out for parenthood either.

Why are you asking people if your dog is "pure"? If you wanted to ensure that you got a purebred dog, you would have gone to a reputable breeder and paid for a pedigree. Instead, you bought $100 dog off Craigslist. You get what you pay for. However, a paperless and/or mixed breed dog can still be a wonderful companion -- so please, just shut up and enjoy your dog.

By the same token, the word is purebred not "purebread." Also, horses -- not dogs -- are referred to as thoroughbred. And stop saying "full blooded." All dogs are full blooded -- dogs less than full of blood are usually dead. Please use the correct terminology. Otherwise, you're no better than the "shepard" people.

Quit minimizing bad behavior as "just being a shepherd." Killing small animals is not "just a strong prey drive." Biting your neighbors is not "just being protective." These are not normal, acceptable traits. Read the breed standard. German shepherds are supposed to be fearless and aloof but never hostile. The standard also states that:

"The dog must be approachable, quietly standing his ground and showing confidence and willingness to meet overtures without itself making them."

Asshole dogs makes things more difficult for the rest of us. Instead of making excuses, please train your dog.

CONFESSION TIME: In addition to being a Grammar Nazi, I think I'm a Dog Snob. (Lord, help my husband!) I'm not even 50 yet and I've turned into a cranky old lady. Well, this should make for some interesting blog posts. Stay tuned! -- K