NOT As Seen on TV

People watch Animal Planet and Nat Geo Wild and assume that they know my job. It's frustrating. They don't realize that shows like Animal Cops and The Incredible Dr. Pol are the result of lots of creative editing. That one hour episode was most likely filmed over several days (or weeks). I had many calls last month that reminded me of this misconception. Below are a few things I'd like to clear up.

Microchips

Yes, microchips are wonderful. Yes, I can scan an animal to see if there's a microchip. But no, we won't get instant results. It can take 30 minutes to never for me to find an owner. People wanting me to scan a dog so that they can return it and be a hero are usually disappointed. I'll either take custody of the dog, research the chip and hopefully return the dog myself OR I'll give Good Samaritan the chip number and let him do the investigative work.

Quick primer: A microchip is a radio transmitter and the scanner is a receiver. When the scanner passes over the chip, it powers the chip and ideally an alphanumeric code (not the owner's contact info) is displayed on the scanner's screen.

Microchip codes are registered with one of a dozen chip manufacturers. It takes time to figure out who has which chip. Even then, there can be roadblocks:

• Sometimes a chip stops transmitting.
• Some foreign chips aren't recognized by my scanner. I know something is there, but can't read what it is.
• Sometimes the original chip company has been sold or merged with another company.
• Sometimes a chip is registered with two different companies, each with different information. (This happens because some companies charge to change info.)
• Sometimes contact information is inputted incorrectly. I've seen numbers transposed, names misspelled and .net addresses listed as .com.

Also, microchips only work if the information is valid. About 10% of the chipped animals I pick up never make it home because:

• The chip was never registered.
• The phone number has been changed or disconnected.
• Owners moved and left no forwarding address.
• The registered owner gave the animal away and the registration was never transferred.

So yes, I can try to find the dog's owner, but it takes more time than you'd like. Giving me attitude because you wanted to return Fluffy before church isn't helpful. (And it isn't very Christian-like either.)

Raccoons

BOO!

OK people, repeat after me:

Just because a raccoon is out during the day does not mean it has rabies.

I am soooo tired of saying this. My dispatchers are tired of saying this. And we're all tired of being told "You're supposed to be the experts" in one breath and "You're lying" in the next.

Yes, raccoons are usually nocturnal in the wild. But things are different in the city. They're smart and have adapted to our urban environment. Raccoons have learned that if they stay up a little longer they can get an easy meal (i.e. garbage cans, food left outside for cats, koi ponds, bird feeders). Don't want raccoons in your yard? Don't make things easy for them!

Please, chill out with the rabies thing. We haven't had a rabid raccoon in Small Beach Town during the 12 years I've worked here. That being said, I euthanize sick raccoons every year. Raccoons can carry -- and spread -- both canine and feline strains of distemper. Unfortunately, symptoms can look like rabies to the average freaked out untrained resident. I wrote an informative post about raccoons and distemper last July. The big take-aways are:

1. Vaccinate your pets and
2. Don't feed raccoons -- either intentionally or unintentionally.

Lastly, Animal Control will not remove healthy raccoons from personal property. If a resident has nuisance wildlife, they need to contact wildlife specialists. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) has LOTS of rules about how and which species can be relocated. Wildlife specialists have the tools, knowledge and licensing to do things correctly -- and they charge accordingly. Yelling at me because Critter Gitter charges $300 and you "pay taxes" doesn't change those facts. (But it does get you on the blog. Jerk.)

Rabies

Small Beach Town is a beautiful place to live. People pay quite a bit of money for houses nestled between the ocean and the wetlands, with everything surrounded by trees. The city is a tree sanctuary. As such, it's teeming with wildlife -- that everybody thinks has rabies.

• Raccoon? Rabid.
• Opossum? Rabid.
• Fox? Rabid.
• Squirrel? Rabid.
• Feral cat? Rabid.
• Loose pit bull? Rabid.
• Snake in the garage? Rabid.
• Turtle sunning itself in the park? Rabid.

It gets ridiculous. I try to educate the public, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. More often than not, I'm accused of being a liar or "just a stupid dog catcher." One of my Other Duties As Required is to write public service announcements for the residents (which my boss attaches his name to and gets all the credit . . . but I'm not bitter). Here is the original of an article I wrote on rabies a few years back, before the boss screwed it up. The big take-aways are:

• All mammals (but only mammals) can carry rabies.
• The rabies virus is transmitted when the saliva of a rabid animal gets into the bloodstream of the victim (usually from a bite). You can't get rabies from something walking through your yard.
• Rabies is a weak virus and cannot live outside of a living host for long. You won't get rabies from touching a dead animal in your yard.
• Even if you are bitten by a rabid animal, you have time wash the wound and get to the doctor. You will not die on the spot. However, you should not wait a few days "Just to see." (Yes, that's happened!)

One final note: When people tell me that they can tell that an animal has rabies just by looking at it, I know they're lying. Depending on how condescending they're being, I may call them on it. I have been known to say:

Well that's impressive. The only definitive way to determine if an animal has rabies is to test tissue from the brain stem and cerebellum. As far as I know, that can't be done with the head still attached.

OK, so maybe I can be a bit bitchy . . .

Confiscation

I'm thankful for this -- even if it does make my job

more difficult at times

I can't confiscate someone's animal just because:

• The neighbor says something.
• I suspect something hinky.
• I don't like the way the animal looks.
• The owner is a shithead.
• The house looks empty.
• The dogs are locked in a car but look OK.

The 4th Amendment prohibits Illegal Search and Seizure from the Government. There must be exigent circumstances (i.e. the dog will die if I don't act right now) for me to violate a person's Constitutional rights. Otherwise, I need a warrant.

Yes, it can be frustrating. We have procedures in place. Unfortunately, they take time. Know that I'm documenting everything and building a case as I go. Accusing me of "being lazy" and "not doing your job" doesn't help. My job would be much easier if people spent more time with a civics book and less time posting on Facebook. Grrr . . .

It's a new year and I'm sure I'll have plenty of new stories to share soon. Until then, -- K