Thursday, November 28, 2013

Give Me a Reason

It's the holiday season. Most of you are happy thinking of turkey and presents, friends and family. Me, I'm trying to think of reasons not to hit people with my animal control truck. Seriously! This time of year people come out in droves to dump their pets at the shelter. This is the call I took Tuesday, two days before Thanksgiving:
"I'm leaving town tomorrow, so I need to get rid of my dog today. I don't know anybody here in town so you need to come get him." 
Same day I got:
"The neighbors are complaining that my dog barks too much. I'm pregnant and it's stressing me out, so you need to come get my dog."
I wish I could say I'm surprised. Unfortunately it happens every year. I've had animals dumped because "Mom's coming for Christmas and she's allergic to cats" and "We can't afford boarding for our dog while we're on vacation." I had one woman dump her cat because she just redecorated and the black fur clashed with her new furniture. I'm not making this up! So I'm going to practice some deep breathing and think of 10 reasons why I shouldn't hit people with my truck.

10 Reasons NOT to Hit People with My Truck

  1. I think the "Thou shalt not kill" thing applies to stupid people too.
  2. It's illegal.
  3. Prison orange is not a good color for me.
  4. I don't have time to "do time."
  5. Running people over is against City policy.
  6. There is a remote possibility that I'll feel bad later.
  7. Karma might have better plans for them.
  8. Stupid people (indirectly) pay my mortgage. If I kill them I'll be out a job.
  9. It might mess up the truck.
  10.  ????
Well, crap. I've only got 9. Can you think of a 10th? Let me know. -- K