Thursday, July 9, 2015

Time For a Career Change?

The other day I realized that I have been an animal control officer for over 10 years. 10 YEARS! Lately I've discovered little idiosyncrasies that might indicate it's time for me to do something else.
  • My memory is strangely selective. There are residents that I see regularly. I can remember the names of all the dogs, but can't seem to remember the names of the people.

  • However, if someone was a jerk to me not only do I remember his name but everything else associated with him -- address, the car he drives, where he works and every ugly word that fell out of his mouth.

  • My work clothes get more use than anything else in my closet.

  • Whether I like it or not, certain smells are ingrained in my brain:
    • I can smell an embedded collar from 10 yards away.
    • I can accurately detect Parvo with my nose alone.
    • I can walk past someone in Walmart and tell that she's a hoarder.
    • I can differentiate dog pee from cat pee and human pee. (Sadly, this has come in handy.)

  • I have called my family on the way home and had them put my robe in the laundry room so that I could wash my uniform right away without walking through the house.

Not the balls we're talking about buddy!
Apparently I notice -- and comment on -- unneutered dogs while driving. My sons have said "Mom, please quit looking at dogs balls!" more times than I can count.

Animal Cops has been banned in my house. I get frustrated and yell at the TV, telling the ACOs to quit playing it up for the camera and use their safety equipment.

I am a vinyl glove connoisseur. Seriously, latex is for rookies.

  • What’s that cologne I'm wearing? Adam's Flea Spray!

  • I have a deep-seated distrust of all Chihuahuas.

  • I eat more meals in my work truck than I do at the kitchen table. I even have a stash of plastic forks and extra straws in the glove box.

  • I point out unleashed dogs in my friends' Facebook photos.

You see cheap nylon leashes, I see the ultimate multi-tool!
  • I have done things with a nylon slip lead that would make MacGyver jealous.

  • My colleagues and I have shared gruesome case details and photos over lunch. They didn't ruin our appetites, but the eavesdroppers behind us were a little queasy afterwards.

  • I did the math: I have over 4000 hours of beach driving experience. I'm an excellent driver, yet I still have nightmares about running over children buried in the sand.

  • I have walked into a room and said "Oh God, what's that horrible smell?!" only to discover that it was me.

  • I have 12 veterinarians, eight ACOs, four shelters, three wildlife rescues, Rabies Control, Fish & Wildlife, a pet crematorium and an at-home euthanasia service programmed into my cell phone. In comparison, I have seven family members in the same phone.

It's Thoughtless Thursday, and as usual I am thinking too much! But Ruckus the Eskie, M.K. Clinton and the pups over at Love is Being Owned by a Husky let me link up anyway. Thanks guys! Anyway, once you're finished with my nonsense, click around and see what others are thinking -- or not thinking -- about today. -- K

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