Saturday, January 6, 2018

No Dead Animals on the Desk!

Some things shouldn't have to be said. I assumed "Don't leave dead animals on my desk" was one of those things.

I was wrong.

We have a police officer who insists on inserting herself in every situation possible. It's annoying. Last month I got a call from Officer Brown-Nose. She gleefully told me "I just got a phone call from my friend, Barbie Dahl. She's the wife of famous football player Ken Dahl." Officer Brown-Nose is also a name dropper.

(For the record, I've known the Dahls for years, long before Officer Brown-Nose joined the department. The Dahls keep letting their doodle run loose on the beach.)

Officer Brown-Nose continued, "Barbie is distraught. She has a cat that was hit by a car. She's such a sensitive person and it's tearing her up. I told her you could scan the cat for a microchip." BTW, it wasn't Barbie's cat. She found it along side the main road and took it home.

I agreed to scan for a chip. But instead of telling Barbie to call my office, or to stay home and Animal Control would bring the scanner to her, Officer Brown-Nose had Barbie meet us both at the police station.

(I don't know why Officer BN had to be there. I'm perfectly capable of scanning a flattened feline by myself. I guess that way Officer Brown-Nose could parade around her friendship. She spent the rest of the day asking everybody in the station "Did you see my friend Barbie Dahl in the lobby? Do you know who her husband is?")

After I hung up, I went to the kennel to pick up my scanner. On my way to the station I heard Officer Brown-Nose dispatched to a call. I arrived a couple minutes later to see Barbie in the lobby. Just Barbie. When I asked where the cat was, Barbie told me that Officer Brown-Nose took it with her. I then discovered that what she actually did was dump it in my office on her way out of the building. There on my desk was a bloody, stinking, most assuredly dead cat. No plastic bag. No box. Just the terminated tabby. Yeah, I was a little annoyed.

A real book. I gave it to my dad a few years ago. It's
pretty funny. Who knew we'd find use #102?
After finding a box, donning gloves and disinfecting my desk, I scanned the cat and found a microchip. However, I couldn't find an owner right away. Blubbering Barbie wanted to take the cat home to bury it. No shit. Since collecting kitty corpses in not my thing, I gave it to her -- box included!

I spend another 20 minutes researching various databases. (FYI, tracing a microchip is not an instantaneous thing.) I eventually found the owner. SURPRISE! The cat came back to a local newscaster. Officer Brown-Nose couldn't have been any happier when I told her. She tried not to grin when she said "Oh, you're so busy. I'll notify the owner for you." She was out the door before I could say "I've already called." I guess BN saw that dead cat as a way to befriend yet another local celebrity. Before you know it she'll telling everybody about her new friend, Anchor Ashleigh. Just remember, you heard it here first! -- K