How to Prepare For a Puppy
- Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
- Wear a sock to work that has had the toe shredded by a blender.
- Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the dark saying, "Be a good puppy, go potty now, hurry up - come on, let's go!"
- Cover all your best clothes with dog hair. NOTE: dark clothes must use white hair; light clothes must use dark hair.
- Float some hair in your first cup of coffee in the morning.
- Also put some hair in everything that you cook. Put hair in the pots and pans in your cupboards too.
- Run out in the rain in your bare feet to close the gate.
- Tip over a basket of clean laundry and scatter clothing all over the floor.
- Leave your underwear on the living room floor. That's where the puppy will drag it anyway, especially when company is coming.
- Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the door shouting "No, No! Do that OUTSIDE!" Miss the end of the program.
- Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning; don't try to clean it up until you get home from work in the evening.
- Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver . . . it's going to get chewed on anyway.
- Have a backhoe dig random giant holes
in your yard, then go out in the early morning and step
in a few. Try not to break anything.
- Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls asleep on your lap.
-- Author Unknown