Crazy Poop Calls

Yes, that's poop in a bag.

A couple years ago I told you about Poopmeister, a resident who blew a gasket and started flinging poo like a chimpanzee. We all thought that was a poop story that couldn't be beat. We were wrong.

Last week I received a call from another exasperated resident. Her next door neighbor was hanging bags of poop from the electrical pole between them. It seems that whenever he found a stray pile of poop in his yard, he would bag it up and tie it to the pole. She said she's already cut down three bags and doesn't know what to do. I was empathetic, but had no idea how to help. So what did I do? Drive by and take a picture, of course!

Speaking of pictures, I have a resident who is frustrated with a neighbor's dog. She swears that the neighbor lets his dog poop in her yard. I told her that I didn't doubt it, but we couldn't act on her assumptions. She needed to see the dog "leaving a deposit" before I could write a citation. She never did catch the dog, but she left this on my voicemail:

There are three new lumps of poop in my yard. I took a picture of it. Do you want me to send it to you?

Uh, no.

I had a guy call me because he found poop in his garage. He wanted me to come out and identify the species of animal that left the feces behind. (It was ordinary cat poop. I was so disappointed.) I guess I'm a scatologist now!

Seriously, poop brings out the worst in people. Last month a woman called seething with anger. A Doberman was walking down her street without a leash. The caller wasn't upset about the lack of leash nor the breed of the dog. She was furious because the dog pooped in her yard and the owner didn't pick it up. The caller spent 15 minutes describing the dog owner in detail along with the three houses where he possibly lived. She was adamant that I find the dog owner and write him a ticket. Right now! By the way, she called back 5 minutes later to say never mind. The dog owner had come back with a bag and apologized.

And finally, TODAY'S crazy poop call: A man left a 3 minute complaint on my voicemail. He's said people walking past his house to the beach pick up after their dogs and throw the bags in his clean trashcan. "Today is trash day and now those bags are going to be in there for a week." He's tired of cleaning his trash can and wants a warning put out. He doesn't know who's doing it, but it happens all the time. I called him back, and he didn't like my answer. I understand he's frustrated but:

• It's the City's trashcan (our logo is on the top).
• He needs to bring the can in early. If it's on the street, it's fair game.
• The ordinance states that people must pick up after their dogs -- and that's what they're doing!
• He can nicely ask the neighbors to throw the poop away, but there isn't anything I can do because they are not breaking the rules.

I should introduce him to Poopmeisters 1 and 2. Maybe he'll feel better. (Probably not.)

One of the insults people like to throw around is "You don't know shit." I just laugh. Not only do I know it, shit pays my salary. -- K