Saturday, August 8, 2015

Be Clever or Be Quiet

My uniform has ANIMAL CONTROL written on the back in 3" letters. Most of the time that's a good thing. Before the lettering, one of my partners was mistaken for a prowler and nearly shot while chasing a stray dog. (Regular readers know that my city's residents are notorious for blowing things out of proportion.)

However, the lettering does make me stand out, especially when I'm eating lunch or at the grocery store after work. I don't know why, but when people see me they feel compelled to make stupid comments. I usually just give a weak smile, but what I want to say (dripping with sarcasm, of course) is "Oh Wow, I've never heard that before." What kind of things am I talking about?
  • At least once a week some skeezy man says "I'm an animal, wanna control me?" Yuck.
  • I'll walk into a business and someone calls out "[name] they're here for you."
  • OR someone pushes someone else in my direction and says "Here you go."
  • I'm asked constantly if I will take a person's husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.
  • Parents tell their children that if they don't behave I'm going to put them in the cage on the back of my truck. (Way to go Mom and Dad! Teach your kids to fear those who are supposed to help them.)
  • I'm told I look "dog tired" entirely too often.
  • When I'm chasing a dog in public some bystander always has to sing Who Let The Dogs Out. Obviously these people don't know the true meaning of the song. If they do, then I am highly offended!
  • My truck is barked at daily when I'm patrolling the city

I know, groan. I assume that people are trying to be funny. (They're not.) Or maybe they think they're being clever. (Again, not.) Unfortunately, those trying to insult me are equally lame. I've heard:
  • Wannabe Cop
  • Rent-A-Cop
  • Puppy Killer
  • Dog Hater
  • Dog Catcher
  • Stupid
  • Fat
  • Bitch
  • Dyke
  • Barney Fife
  • and Paul Blart

I want to scream "Is that the best that they can do?" Seriously, how disappointing. Several years back an ACO friend of mine in a neighboring city was the subject of a letter to the editor. The author said that my friend "emerged from the truck like John Wayne with bright pink lipstick." Now that's what I'm talking about! My friend was so impressed by the creativity that she framed the letter and hung it in her office.
Now THAT'S funny!
My advice to you: If you feel the urge to say something to an animal control officer you should avoid the things above. We've heard it before. You won't get the reaction you're looking for. At best you'll get a condescending eye roll. If you can't be clever then please, just be quiet. Or better yet, be sincere. A friendly smile and a cheerful hello are always welcome. And silly pet stories will always get a warm chuckle.

It's Sepia Saturday! We're joining Ruckus the Eskie and the folks at Earl's World as we share our crazy lives with a soft brown tint. When you're through with my silliness, hop around below and see what others are sharing today. -- K


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